You Can't Help Me Now
by SpencerRemyLvr
Summary: I was given one sentence as a prompt and this story was what came from it. "You can't save me this time, Pen. This is one thing you finally can't fix."


_So when Val and I drink, apparently we come up with weird things. I have seven new story ideas now thanks to my dinner with her :) Plus, some help on my current chapters, and then this little prompt fic. This is an angst one, folks, be prepared._

_Also, a notice for those that didn't read my Trio update and didn't see, you can now find my crazy self on facebook. Yes, yes, I know. Blah. Anyways, look me up with the email on my profile or under the name Jay Foret :)_

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Spencer swore his heart was in his throat. When he'd joined the others, this hadn't been at all what he'd expected to find. _This can't be real_. Yet when he blinked a few times, the scene didn't change. Everyone was still standing around with their guns drawn, Derek was still kneeling on the ground with a gun to the back of his head, and a man that Spencer hadn't seen in years was still standing there holding the gun. It was like something from a bad movie. He stood, frozen, unable to believe what was in front of him. At least, until someone tried to talk to Benny and Spencer saw as Benny tensed, shouting out a furious "No!" while his hand clenched on the gun. The horrible thought floated through Spencer's mind—one wrong squeeze and Derek would be gone.

He couldn't just stand here. Now wasn't the time to panic or to be afraid. Spencer drew his gun with one smooth move and slid forward. As he did, he raised his voice, calling out over everyone loud enough that he would be heard. "Benny!" He slipped around another person, ignoring the officers that were looking his way. "Benny-Bye!"

It was the nickname that froze Benny in his place. Tortured eyes lifted and scanned the crowd. "No one calls me that anymore." Benny said softly. "Pen? Pen Reid? Holy shit. Is that really you?"

Spencer calmly moved around his friends, never taking his gun off the man holding his other friend hostage. "It's really me. I'm right here, Benny. Why don't you put that gun down and we can talk? It's been a long time."

For a second Benny just stared at him. Then the shock melted away to something that twisted Spencer's stomach. A harsh laugh echoed from the man's lips. He shook his head and a scornful smile twisted his lips. "Do you really think I'm that stupid, Pen? I put this down and you'll all be swarming over here and arresting me, and I'm not going to jail."

The fear that Spencer felt didn't show on the outside. He pushed it down, locked it away. There was no room for fear here. No room for mistakes. His voice was cool and controlled when he spoke once more. "You've killed people, Benny. Four people are dead. You're not going to be able to just walk away from this. But if you put that gun down and you come with us, peacefully, things might go a little easier on you. You pull that trigger, though, and kill an FBI agent, I won't be able to help you anymore."

"You can't help me _now_." Benny said harshly. "You can't save me this time, Pen. This is one thing you finally can't fix."

That hurt, down inside where no one could see. It struck the boy he'd once been and triggered that need to protect even more. "I can't help you if you do this. But if you put that gun down, I promise you, I will help. I'll do everything in my power to help you. You have my word." Spencer said. He took a small step forward, his gun never wavering. "I just need you to put that gun down."

But Benny wasn't listening. He was staring down at Derek and his whole body was starting to tremble. "Do you know what they did to me?" His eyes lifted to Spencer and there was such a haunted look there that it ripped straight down to Spencer's heart. "Do you have any idea what those bastards did to me? They _deserved_ to die, Pen! I was even merciful! I made it quick."

Spencer took another small step forward and his eyes flashed briefly down to Derek, checking to make sure the man was okay. The blood was still flowing lightly down his face but the eyes that looked up at Spencer were clear. The damage to his head couldn't be that bad, then. For that, Spencer was grateful. He brought his eyes back up to Benny and tried to think fast so he could end this before anyone else got hurt. Benny was close to the edge; they could all see that. He needed to talk him down from it before Derek paid the price. "I don't know what they did to you, Benny, I'm sorry. But I do know that the man you have right there didn't do anything. He never hurt you. He wouldn't hurt anyone. Morgan's a good person. He's my friend."

"Your _friend_?" The way Benny said that word carried a whole world of disbelief to it. "Tell me, Pen—does he know what you are? What you can do? Does he know what you used to do?" When Spencer said nothing, he gave another of those scornful laughs. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Do you really think any of these precious FBI agents would give a damn about you if they knew the truth? You think they'd still call you _friend_?"

There was no time for Spencer to think about the words that Benny had just so casually tossed out there. All of his attention was focused on the way that Benny's body tensed, the way his expression seemed to firm just the slightest bit. Fear clawed its way through Spencer. He adjusted his stance and braced himself. Still, he had to try. He had to try one more time. "Benny, don't do this. Don't make me do this. Just let him go."

Those eyes looked up at him and Spencer saw the pain there, the insanity that was lurking in those depths, and he knew even before Benny said a soft "No." He watched as Benny bent a bit, as his hand tightened on the gun…

The sound of a gunshot echoed loudly through the air.

The whole world seemed to freeze for one single instant, like someone hit a cosmic pause button, and then it jerked back into motion once more. Paramedics and officers swarmed forward. They all moved quickly, racing up to the two bodies on the ground.

Spencer carefully lowered his gun down and stared down at the still body of his friend lying on the ground. He felt like he was frozen in place. The cold came from the inside, freezing him from the inside out. Even when others came up beside him, he still didn't move. It wasn't until a hand touched his shoulder that he finally broke pose and his head jerked up. Derek Morgan looked at his best friend and he ached for the grief and pain that were bright in those wide brown eyes. "I'm sorry, kid." It was all that Derek could think to say. The words were pitiful in comparison to what had just happened, he knew, yet they were all he had. He couldn't be sorry that a murderer was dead, a man who had held a gun to his head with every intention of killing him. But he was so very sorry that Spencer had been forced to shoot a person that had apparently once been his friend.

The grief Spencer felt was cushioned by shock. It was as if the ice were keeping all those painful emotions back. Eventually he would have to feel them, he knew. Eventually, they would hit him and they would hit hard. But for now he welcomed the ice. He used it, letting it cushion him from reality for a little while longer. His voice sounded flat and cold when he spoke. "You really should get that cut on your head looked at."

"Reid…"

But Spencer didn't hear him anymore. Someone had stepped into his line of sight and had blocked off his view of Benny. He moved, not even aware that he was doing it until suddenly he was right there by him, standing over top of the body of a man who had once been a close friend. A man he had killed. Spencer dropped down to his knees right beside Benny's shoulder, ignoring the dull ache from hitting the hard ground. With his free hand he reached out and very lightly brushed his fingers against the smooth cheek. A random memory broke through. Benny sitting on the bathroom counter while Spencer had shaved, lamenting the fact that he never seemed able to grow any facial hair at all. What had happened to that boy? What had brought him _here_? "You idiot." He whispered achingly. "All you had to do was put down the gun. Why didn't you just listen to me?"

Someone's hand touched his arm and then he felt someone cupping his elbow, trying to draw him up. He tried to resist but another hand joined the first and he was inexorably drawn upwards. A warm, familiar voice was by his ear, the sound soothing and gentle. "Come on, Spence." JJ murmured. Her smaller hands replaced the ones that had pulled him up and she started to lead him away. He tugged against her hands, trying to turn back around, but she was stronger than she looked. She leaned in close to him and rubbed at his arm as she propelled him along. "Let's get you back to the hotel, Spence. Maybe you can lay down for a little bit, huh?"

That stirred him. He broke through the ice enough to actually start to shake off her hands. "No, I can't. I can't go to the hotel."

"Spence, honey."

"_No_." He shook his head and his vision cleared a little so that he could actually see her face in front of him. "I can't, JJ. I have to go to the station. I need to…to make arrangements. I want to take him home."

"We can take care of it." JJ reassured him. She caught hold of him again and once more started to draw him over to the SUV's. "We'll help you bring him home, Spence."

There was so much he had to do. Things he had to take care of, people to call. Questions that needed answered. But, for that moment, Spencer stopped fighting and just let JJ lead him to the SUV while the ice inside grew just a little thicker.


End file.
